The Big Bonk Theory

Stephen kenny, Trev Williams, Paul Anderson
After Finishing the Gila Monster 300KM Brevet

Let’s get the facts out of the way first.  We covered the 305km’s, 5000ft. of vertical climbing in 9C temperatures and mostly pouring rain in ten hours and thirty minutes.  Our moving speed was 31.5km/hr. and we spent close to an hour off the bike.  By we, I mean my two good friends Paul Anderson and Trev Williams who flew in from Calgary,  joining us for the duration of the ride was young Joe Fox from Kansas City.  Our former team mate Mike Healy, now residing in Texas, also flew in for the ride, finishing a couple of hours behind us having experienced a mostly cold, solo ride providing him ample support for his decision to move from Calgary.  I can’t comment on the scenery as the low clouds and rain obscured the areas scenic wonders forcing me to rely on memories from last year.  The rain held off long enough for us to get lured into a false sense of weather security. Twenty or so km’s into the ride it started to drizzle, not enough to force you to put rain gear on, the kind of drizzle that combined with the wind chill sucked the heat out of your body like a Slurpee through a straw. Once thoroughly soaked we stopped to don rain gear which would not come off for the rest of the day. 

Roger and Rob joined us for part of the journey eventually dropping off leaving the four of us to carry on for the rest of the ride.  My fitness going in to the event was very good and I felt great arriving in Oracle.  The run down to the second control in Winkleman was a tad cool but uneventful.  We had a brief stop with Carlton and his wife who had a tent set up, a stove with hot soup and coffee, sandwiches and numerous goodies.  We elected for a quick exit from Chez Van-Leuvan and after loading up on a sandwich and bar we started heading for the Monster.  The Monster can be broken into two pitches and I set the pace, which I’m prone to do. Young Joe told us climbing wasn’t his strength, mind you it’s not a weakness, and he dropped off shortly after the climb started.  Before we finished the first pitch Trev, sitting third wheel, yelled he was out.  I figured he either bonked or the new Duck-Dynasty beard he is sporting got caught in his front wheel.  Paul was siting on my wheel, half way up the second pitch all of my instruments went yellow, I was sitting in bonk purgatory, it was time to shut it down and deal with situation.  Well, that was the smart thing to do but Paul schooled me last year on the Monster and I was determined to a least make him work for it this year.  I kept at it and shortly thereafter all instruments went red, into bonk hell; light-headed, faint, nauseous, lost muscle control – hurt locker/PHD suffering.  Paul was now beside me and I managed to match his pace, side-by-side, to the crest of the climb where I made a beeline for the guardrail on the other side and sat my sorry ass down.  I blame this competitive stupidity on my lack of mental acuity due to being in bonk hell.  Paul turned around to go check on Trev who was also experiencing bonk hell.  We all regrouped at the top, I scarfed down a sandwich, gel and half a bottle of Heed. Heavy with worry as to whether I would recover enough to get through the rest of the ride we started the descent. Paul did most of the work to Superior where we took close to a thirty-minute break to warm up and allow Trev and myself to pull our act together. 

We did get ourselves together and were able to pull our weight for the balance of the ride and with the exception of one flat going into Basha’s the ride was uneventful.   We were happy to see the finish, Carlton et-al, and hot pizza. Young Joe headed back down the route to check on his buddy, you have to be young to think like that, we headed back to the hotel for warm showers.

The following chart provides an analysis of rider suffering for the Gila Monster.  The Optimum Suffering Line (OSL) is derived through a complex algorithm that takes into account fitness, distance, weather, terrain and overlaid with a psychometric profile.  (See the unofficial Rando Hand book, Chapter 56, sections 1 through 7)

As you can see, Paul had an exceptional ride and is only off the OSL slightly due to weather.  Trev and I were significantly off the OSL due to weather and visiting bonk hell, basically being rookies.  While all three of us, through past experiences, have earned our doctorate in suffering (PHD Sfr.) one does get reminded that simple mistakes will have you relive that experience.

A big thanks to Carlton and his wife for riding trail boss on the ride.